New skin; Old skin

I’m not very practiced at being new

The touch of my skin feels foreign; somehow, wrong.

And I’m wondering whether I’m simply new, or improved?

I suppose I will one day, eventually, get used to no longer being new.

Bleeding-Heart Liberal: When you are a girl →

gloomjune:

and you’re drunk, you’re a target. When you’re you’re friendly, you’re flirting. When you smile, you’re encouraging a guy. When you dance, you’re sending out signals. When you wear a short skirt, the only reason is that you’re signalling your availability. When you let a guy buy…

I wish I could write, I wish I could make words do what I want them to but instead they’re all jumbled inside my head and won’t come together to form a cohesive thought


and my fingers are barely working


and I want orange soda


and I feel really awkward because I’m getting two different sides of the story in poetry form from two good friends and I don’t want to chooose sides or anything because I like you both very much so stop it!

and your poetry writing, no matter how hostile, is making me jealous. 

"if I never see you again
I will always carry you
inside
outside
on my fingertips
and at brain edges
and in centers
centers of what I am
of what remains."

Charles Bukowski (via catlexa)

(Source: thepoetrycollection, via catlexa)

cuddlepuddlez:

Doing this in July!

I wish I could just explain what’s going on here, but I can’t. My mind has taken itself hostage and I don’t have the ransom money to get it back. It’s the smallest things, too - the wondering why something’s happening that’s happened a thousand times before. It’s like someone just jumbled my brain and no matter how much I try, I can’t get it back.

I know, I know it could be worse. I know I could not be able to read or speak or anything, but just the fact that EVERYTHING is harder is killing me. I feel so incredibly slow, and that KILLS me inside because the one thing I’ve always had was my intelligence.

I was never the thinnest, the prettiest, the fastest or the best at anything but I was often the smartest, and to have that taken away is heartbreaking. And it’s not like I can even explain what the issue is - I still comprehend things, I can still read and write and recite and all that but it just doesn’t make sense in my head. Conversations are hard - I mean really hard. It’s like I’ll be talking to someone and then all of a sudden my brain just decides that it’s too tired to keep talking.

Even now, when I thought it would be so nice to type out how I feel I still feel like I haven’t quite said what I needed to, and I think that’s in part because I don’t really know what/ how to say it. DAMN IT.

This is one of the most frustrating times of my life. I mean I just read a book to my little sister, a STORY book and I didn’t quite comprehend it. Meanwhile, most of my friends are off to their senior years of college and I’m terrified that I’m never going to catch up. I can’t even work. I can’t even stand around and collect people’s money for hardware tools because my brain is too exhausted to do that. 

And the doctors? No one’s told me anything. They don’t know what’s caused it, they don’t know what it is and really I don’t think they give a damn because they haven’t tried anything else. I can’t even see the physical therapist because none of the doctors I’ve seen will sign off on their consent forms. Chalk that up to just another thing I don’t understand.

I hope this goes away soon. I’m not willing to fuck up an entire semester of school and a good job and my lifestyle just because I got sick. No. That’s not okay with me. 

I took the blue pill And the red pill

Who knows where I am?

Stuck somewhere between

Mind

Mouth

Body

Lost. Completely lost.

View high resolution

Aren’t I beautiful? ;]

(via captainamerica-and-fondue)

callmecaptain:

rawrrrobert:

undergroundkingsss:

IM NORMAL :o

YES!!

This actually happens to others…? o.O

I’M NOT THAT WEIRD!